In memory of being lame

Have you ever been running and fell? 

“David said to Mephibosheth, “Don’t be afraid. I will be kind to you because of your father Jonathan. I will give back to you all the land of your grandfather Saul. And you will always be able to eat at my table.”

2 Samuel 9:7 ERV

In the Scripture above Mephibosheth is the grandson of Saul, Jonathan’s son and when his caregiver heard that King Saul and Jonathan had died in battle she feared that David would come to kill them too. In their haste to run away, the five-year-old Mephibosheth fell and became lame in both feet. 

I too had fallen many times, while living in downtown Atlanta. I’d wake up on a cold hard floor of my mid-rise apartment unsure of what happened, unaware at the time that I was running from my fears. When I’d awaken I’d always call my mother in Florida who pleaded with me to return home but I’d always shun the idea. One day, I fell so hard I had to come home to be cared for. But things didn’t get well right away. I wanted to keep running, making random trips to Miami and back to Atlanta until an infection started growing in my body and I became lame like Mephibosheth — nerves in both feet and ankles deadened by disease. I was confined to a wheelchair, scarred feet and legs as a result. 

What I learned recently about the scripture is that Saul was like us, running from God. Jonathan was like Jesus, pure love, and David, in this instance, was like God, in covenant with Jonathan. David loved Jonathan so Jonathan’s child never should have run from David. At last, David would tell Mephibosheth this and give him his rightful inheritance. 

God wanted me to be still enough to know that He loved me too, which was something I doubted after so many mistakes and failures. I’m not saying God put illness on me. I doubt that wholeheartedly. I do believe that I put myself in positions to be harmed and God did not work against my will. 

Finally, when I was as low as I feel I could physically go, after years of loss (friends and finances), I got it. It wasn’t a flashbulb moment though. It took time for rest and restoration and therapy (see my testimony), but eventually, I could accept that God loved me in the middle of all my mess even when I didn’t particularly like myself. God loved me enough for the both of us. He loved me enough to send Jesus to an undeserved death to save me from the deadly repercussions of all my sins. Now Jesus is my Lord and I have the daily joy of learning more about the magnitude of His adoration, unending love, and amazing grace for me and YOU. 

Praise God! I’m in covenant through Jesus, His son. 

As a result, my feet and legs are healthier. They are not as beautiful as I’d like yet, but I haven’t fallen in a long time. I’m stronger and full restoration is on the way. One day I’ll wear my stilettos again!  

So if you see me with my bare legs, without knowing my story, you may wonder “what happened to her legs,” and now you know. I am also showing these pictures because I want my readers — who I may never meet in person — to know my story. Lastly, I memorialize these events so that when the scars are barely noticeable I will still remember all the wonderful things God did for me.

One of my favorite songs is You Don’t Know My Story. Dear reader-friends, take a moment to listen. Then tell me if I can get an Amen and a Hallelujah? 

(P.s. To those of you, still running from God yet long to stop but you don’t know how, please feel free to send me an email: leah@reallyleah.com. I’d love to pray with you so you can begin writing your testimony too). 

With real love,